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So, you have plans to eat some tasty sweet stuff tomorrow. Does dating need to be on the agenda? Absolutely not—though you might want to make it part of the plans after all. The reality of dating is that there is a lot that can go wrong and a lot that can go right. Our job is to help you navigate the pitfalls of dating (and us humoring you about that much dating) so that you can explore your options in as efficient a way as possible.
The first rule of dating is to always have fun.
Let’s face it: Dating can be a little intimidating, and it has nothing to do with confidence. Even if you are completely comfortable with yourself and are a good conversationalist, the idea of putting your best self forward and being vulnerable with a stranger who may become the love of your life is, well, daunting. If you’re in the market for a relationship—whether it’s a casual fling or something long-term—consider this your guide to modern dating.
So, you have plans to eat some tasty sweet stuff tomorrow. Does dating need to be on the agenda? Absolutely not—though you might want to make it part of the plans after all. The reality of dating is that there is a lot that can go wrong and a lot that can go right. Our job is to help you navigate the pitfalls of dating (and us humoring you about that much dating) so that you can explore your options in as efficient a way as possible.
First Things First: Dating is a Numbers Game
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there was a man named Brandon and he was amazing. Every Saturday night he would go on an adventure through downtown San Francisco and wander into the little café at The 19th Street Place. He would perch on one of the overstuffed couches and order some deli sandwiches and an old fashioned. Occasionally, he would look into the eyes of the cute girl who ran the counter as though she were speaking his name. He always ordered the same thing (which always contained spinach) and he asked for the same thing (French onion). He would sit down, stuff himself with food, listen to the same DJ on the radio (you know, that one that plays that one song the whole time) and then stop walking when he was ready to go.
“You wanna go?” she would ask.
“Yes,” he would reply.
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It’s OK to be scared. My advice: Be open and honest about what you like and what you don’t like (and yes, you should know what those things are before you start dating), and try to steer clear of being in situations where you feel like you have to perform on some crazy, all-consuming level. Don’t chase anyone. Keep those emails—and texts—simple. Want to ask a guy out? If you’re over 21, call him up. If you’re over 18, email him or use the online dating apps to break the ice.
It’s OK to get to know someone before you jump into anything. Remember, first dates are supposed to be about getting to know each other, not checking off a list of must-haves or deal-breakers. And don’t be afraid to skip dinner and drinks (or whatever else you’re planning on doing) on the first go. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend doing anything too expensive on your first date—sometimes in those early stages, you’re not quite sure if he’s worth your time or money.
It’s OK to never kiss a guy. Really. Whatever you do, don’t be the girl who thinks she needs to do an uncomfortable dance to work up the nerve to make out with a guy on the first date. If you’re not sure about what you want, then let’s ask the question right off the bat. If you like him but aren’t totally sure, then keep it casual. Just remember the mark of a great first date is long after the first kiss.
It’s OK to have some self-assurance. Be yourself—whether it’s on a first date or a six-month anniversary, you are allowed to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. It’s not enough that you feel beautiful, in your own mind—you want to present as beautiful to the other person, too. Sure, we all think we’re a catch, but it’s OK to not be a catch. It’s OK to want a guy who knows he’s the one, not just one who thinks he has a shot. And it’s OK to be a bit of a special snowflake, if that’s what you’re looking for.
It’s OK to be tired of chatting online, texting, and meeting for coffee. Online dating and email have become normal for so many of us that a first date can feel mundane. Look, if you’re so tired of pretending you like the way
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